Introduction
介绍
Focusmate changed my life. I started using it mid-2023 and have been a power user since 2023. Here are the high-level stats:
焦点伴侣改变了我的生活。我从2023年以来开始使用它，并一直是电力用户。这是高级统计信息：
I've spent 2,456 hours on Focusmate.
我花了2,456个小时在聚焦伴侣上。
I've met 1,447 people.
我遇到了1,447人。
I have 10+ friends with whom I've spent between 30 and 300 hours.
我有10个以上的朋友，我与他们在一起花了30至300个小时。
I've met five of my Focusmate friends in person. I've had a Focusmate's family over for dinner, gone to a party with a Focusmate, and stayed at a Focusmate's apartment.
我亲自遇到了五个聚焦伴侣朋友。我有一个聚焦伴侣的家人共进晚餐，与聚焦伴侣一起参加了聚会，并留在了焦点伴侣的公寓里。
I met my best friend and many close friends through Focusmate.
我通过聚焦伴侣遇到了我最好的朋友和许多密友。
I've become significantly more productive and intentional with my time.
随着时间的流逝，我变得更加生产力和有意。
Focusmate is a coworking website. For the length of 25, 50, or 75 minutes, you work in a 1-on-1 video call with a partner. Most people use the app to hold themselves accountable on work projects, and the body-doubling effect helps keep users on task. To get started, create an account, book a session, and work with someone the algorithm pairs you with. Each person states their task for the session, then we work separately until a chime signals the end of the session, at which time we report back on our progress (or lack thereof!). Over time, you can “favorite” people and develop regular partners.
Focusmate是一个协同工作网站。对于25、50或75分钟的长度，您可以与合作伙伴进行一对一的视频通话。大多数人使用该应用程序对工作项目负责，并且身体倍增的效果有助于使用户继续执行任务。首先，创建一个帐户，预订会话并与算法配对的人合作。每个人都说明了会议的任务，然后我们单独工作，直到钟声表示会议结束，届时我们会报告我们的进度（或缺乏进度！）。随着时间的流逝，您可以“喜欢”的人并发展普通伙伴。
The productivity benefits of Focusmate are obvious and immediate. Co-working holds you accountable for your goals and creates structure where there often is none. This guide will not explain how or why to use Focusmate. Instead, I want to teach you how to make Focusmate your third place.
聚焦伴侣的生产力优势是显而易见的。共同工作使您对自己的目标负责，并创建通常没有的结构。本指南将无法解释如何或为什么使用Focusmate。相反，我想教您如何使Focusemate成为您的第三名。
What’s a third place
什么是第三名
The modern world lacks third places. We have first places (home) and second places (work), but lack meaningful third places—voluntarily chosen social settings distinct from home and work, where people gather primarily for informal interaction. The modern world has social media apps, but socializing on these apps lacks the richness and connection that video interaction provides. In-person third places include coffee shops, gyms, and meetup groups, but often lack the selection effects of social media. By selection effects, I mean the ability of social media to enable finding people with incredibly similar interests or compatible personalities.
现代世界缺乏第三名。我们有第一个位置（家）和第二名（工作），但缺乏有意义的第三名 - 既定选择的社交环境，这些社会环境与家庭和工作不同，人们主要聚集在这里进行非正式互动。现代世界具有社交媒体应用程序，但是在这些应用程序上进行社交缺乏视频互动提供的丰富性和联系。面对面的第三名包括咖啡店，健身房和聚会小组，但通常缺乏社交媒体的选择效果。通过选择效果，我的意思是社交媒体能够找到具有令人难以置信的相似兴趣或兼容个性的人。
To successfully build a third place on Focusmate, you will have to spend multiple hours a week working on a regular schedule for a few months. Building a social life anywhere takes time; the same is true on Focusmate. This guide has the potential to transform your social life, especially if you're a remote worker or student.
要成功地在Focusmate上建立第三名，您将每周花几个小时在定期时间表工作几个月。在任何地方建立社交生活需要时间；焦点伴侣也是如此。本指南有可能改变您的社交生活，尤其是如果您是偏远的工人或学生。
Start conversations at the end of sessions
会议结束时开始对话
Making conversation
进行对话
The general flow of a Focusmate session is as follows:
聚焦伴侣会话的一般流量如下：
Ask each other"How are you?" and"What are you working on?" Potentially make brief conversation and/or catch-up. Work for 25/50/75min until session ends (usually muted, not talking). Ask each other"How did your session go?" Either sign off or make conversation.
互相问：“你好吗？”和“你在做什么？”有可能进行简短的对话和/或追赶。工作25/50/75分钟，直到会议结束（通常是静音，不说话）。互相问：“您的会议是如何进行的？”签字或进行对话。
Making conversation at the end of sessions is key to making friends on Focusmate.
在会议结束时进行对话是与聚焦伴侣结交朋友的关键。
Small talk is fundamental in building connections of any kind. Whatever third place you seek to develop relationships in, you must make small talk. You must start conversations.
闲聊对于建立任何形式的联系都是基本的。无论您寻求建立关系的第三位，您都必须进行闲聊。您必须开始对话。
Starting conversations is scary and awkward
开始对话是可怕而尴尬的
At first, making conversations at the end of a Focusmate session was scary for me. Scary because I wondered “What if my Focusmate didn't want to make conversation? What if they reject me?” It's quite possible they will reject you. People are busy. That said, I'd say 80% of your Focusmate will be around for at least a couple of lines of conversation.
首先，在聚焦伴侣会议结束时进行对话对我来说很恐怖。令人恐惧，因为我想知道“如果我的焦点伴侣不想进行谈话怎么办？如果他们拒绝我怎么办？”他们很有可能会拒绝您。人们很忙。也就是说，我要说的是，您的80％的焦点伴侣将至少进行几条交谈。
In addition to being scary, starting conversations at the end of Focusmate sessions can be awkward, at least at first. What should I say? Here's what I do: ask questions. Ask what your partner was working on, specifically. Ask about a shared interest from their profile. If something they say reveals their profession, ask them about that. This may be clumsy at first, but after the 500th time, you'll know the social scripts that a post-session conversation can take.
除了令人恐惧之外，至少在首先，在焦点伴侣会议结束时开始对话可能很尴尬。我应该说什么？这是我要做的：问问题。询问您的伴侣在做什么。询问他们个人资料中的共同兴趣。如果他们说的话揭示了他们的职业，请询问他们。首先，这可能很笨拙，但是第500次之后，您会知道会议后对话可以进行的社交脚本。
If you struggle with or want to become better at conversations, I recommend the blog post Good conversations have lots of doorknobs by psychology researcher and improvisationalist Adam Mastroianni. I’ve used the post’s framework for conversations as sequences of doorknobs consistently since I read it.
如果您在对话上挣扎或想变得更好，我建议博客文章良好的对话会有心理学研究人员和即兴理性主义者亚当·马斯特罗伊安尼（Adam Mastroianni）的大量作者。自从我阅读以来，我将帖子的框架作为对话的序列一直始终如一。
Be proactive in making friends
主动结交朋友
Focusmate is not automatically a third place.
FocusMate不是自动的第三名。
This Tyler Alterman thread — starting,"Ppl underestimate how proactive you need to be to make friends as an adult” — is excellent.
这个泰勒Alterman线程 - 开始，“ PPL低估了您成年后需要多么积极主动” - 非常出色。
If you want to build connections on Focusmate, you must go out of your way to build new social habits. While similar in some respects, making friends on Focusmate is not like making friends in college or at work. Making Focusmate friends requires being proactive.
如果您想建立焦点伴侣的联系，则必须竭尽全力建立新的社交习惯。虽然在某些方面相似，但在焦点伴侣上结交朋友并不像在大学或工作中结交朋友。结识聚焦的朋友需要积极主动。
Many Focusmate users do not go out of their way to make Focusmate their third place. It's possible you'll look weird to these people. That's completely fine, you have different goals than them: you're looking to use Focusmate as a third place, maybe they’re just looking for focus.
许多焦点用户并没有竭尽全力使焦点伴侣成为第三名。这些人可能会看起来很奇怪。这完全很好，您的目标与他们不同：您希望将Focusmate用作第三名，也许他们只是在寻找焦点。
Curate your neighborhood
策划您的附近
Favorite and snooze aggressively
热爱和贪睡
There are many thousands of Focusmate users. You'll almost always have a partner.
有成千上万的焦点用户。您几乎总是有伴侣。
If you see someone once and neither of you favorite the other, it will likely be weeks or months before you see each other again. If you want to see someone again, favorite them. I favorite people from whom I get even a minimal signal of shared interests and cool vibes.
如果您曾经见过一个人，彼此都不喜欢，那么可能是几周或几个月的，然后再见到彼此。如果您想再次见到某人，请喜欢他们。我最喜欢的人甚至从中得到最少的共同利益和凉爽的信号。
Additionally, you don't like your partner's vibe, snooze them. Do this systematically. There are thousands of Focusmate users, so even if you tried, you can't snooze everyone! Another thing you can do is snooze people on intervals. For example, if you enjoy seeing someone once per week or month, snooze them for a month and re-snooze them next time you see them.
此外，您不喜欢伴侣的氛围，而是小睡。系统地执行此操作。有成千上万的焦点用户，因此，即使您尝试过，也不能打sno。您可以做的另一件事是间隔小睡人员。例如，如果您喜欢每周或每月一次见到某人，请打n个月，然后下次看到他们。
This habit of favoriting and snoozing people will change your Focusmate experience drastically over time.
随着时间的流逝，这种偏爱和打no的人的习惯将大大改变您的焦点伴侣的经历。
Develop close friends
发展亲密的朋友
The flow of developing close friends on Focusmate has generally followed this structure:
在焦点伴侣上发展亲密朋友的流程通常遵循这种结构：
Have a nice conversation after one of our first sessions, one of us favorites the other, or we both favorite each other.
在我们的第一届会议之一之后，进行一次很好的对话，我们中的一个最喜欢另一个会议，或者我们彼此都喜欢。
We start working together on a recurring basis, sometimes locking in sessions with each other.
我们开始经常合作，有时会彼此锁定。
At some point, we may become closer off-platform and grow our friendship from there. Though most of the connection deepens during recurring Focusmate sessions, similar to how you'd grow close with someone you sit next to in class each day. The propinquity effect!
在某个时候，我们可能会变得越来越近，并从那里发展了我们的友谊。尽管大多数连接在反复的聚焦伴侣会议期间加深了，但类似于您每天在课堂上坐在旁边的人的成长方式。propinquity效应！
Over time, a common pattern for people's Focusmate habits is to go from breadth to depth. You'll know you successfully cultivated your third place when you have a calendar full of favorite Focusmate partners whom you're excited to see every week. You could even think of it as a nice little neighborhood!
随着时间的流逝，人们的焦点习惯的一种共同模式是从广度到深度。当您拥有一个充满喜爱的聚焦伴侣的日历时，您会知道您成功地培养了第三名，您很高兴每周见到他们。您甚至可以将其视为一个不错的小社区！
There's a message box
有一个消息框
I didn't know there was a way to reach people after sessions until someone messaged me via the message box. If you click on a session, the Focusmate client gives you the option of sending a note to your past partners. Note that this is only available for a week after a session. Use it to share the reference of a book or a link to an interesting video you talked about, and perhaps offer your email address as a way to get back to you if they so desire.
我不知道有一种方法可以在会议后接触到人们，直到有人通过消息框向我发消息。如果您单击会话，FocusMate客户端为您提供了向过去的合作伙伴发送注释的选项。请注意，这仅在会议后的一周内可用。使用它来分享一本书的参考或您谈论过的有趣视频的链接，并可能提供您的电子邮件地址，以便如果他们愿意，请与您联系。
Build a routine of using Focusmate
建立使用聚焦伴侣的例程
Have a recurring schedule every week
每周有一个重复的时间表
Friendships are developed through recurring interactions. To make friends at a coffee shop, you need to be at the coffee shop when you expect the people you want to connect with to be there, too. This implies two things: you need to commit to a minimum of a few hours per week, and to have a recurring schedule of sorts. For me, this was working for a block of a few hours per day in the mornings. Eventually, I would find someone who also works at that time and I also have shared rapport with.
友谊是通过反复互动而发展的。要在一家咖啡店交朋友，当您期望您想与之建立联系的人时，您还需要在咖啡店里。这意味着两件事：您需要每周至少要花费几个小时，并且需要进行反复出现的时间表。对我来说，这是每天早上几个小时的工作。最终，我会找到当时也工作的人，并且我也与之分享了融洽的关系。
Stick with it for a few months
坚持几个月
This is crucial. Do not expect to have made friends within the first days, weeks, or even months. You’ll need to think long-term if you’d like to build a third place on Focusmate. Friendship, trust, and rapport are built through recurring interactions that build over a long period of time.
这是至关重要的。不要期望在头几天，几周甚至几个月内结交朋友。如果您想在Focusmate上建立第三名，则需要长期思考。友谊，信任和融洽的关系是通过长时间建立的反复互动来建立的。
Conclusion
结论
Much of the skills that go into cultivating your Focusmate third place apply to human social life generally. Some people are naturally better at it than others. That said, social skills can be learned.
培养焦点伴侣第三名的许多技能通常适用于人类的社会生活。有些人自然比其他人更好。就是说，可以学习社交技能。
The two resources above, Good conversations have lots of doorknobs and Tyler Alterman's thread are excellent. I also remember skimming and enjoying the advice in How to Win Friends and Influence People when I was younger.
上面的两个资源，良好的对话都有很多门把手，泰勒·奥特曼（Tyler Alterman）的线程非常出色。我还记得在我小时候浏览和享受如何赢得朋友和影响人们的建议。
It would make me very happy if this blog post allowed just one person to enjoy the benefits that I’ve gotten out of Focusmate. I would love to hear any thoughts or feedback on the above, either anonymously or by contacting me . If you don’t already have an account, create one using my referral link (clickable) to enjoy a free month. You will always have the benefit of a few free sessions every week, and if you decide to sign up and make Focusmate your third place, I’ll get a free month, too! Favorite me and let’s lock in a session!
如果这篇博客文章只允许一个人享受我从焦点伴侣那里获得的好处，那将使我感到非常高兴。我很想匿名或与我联系以上任何想法或反馈。如果您还没有一个帐户，请使用我的推荐链接（可单击）创建一个帐户以享受一个免费的月份。您将始终每周免费参加几次免费会议，如果您决定注册并使Focusemate成为您的第三名，我也会获得免费的一个月！最喜欢的我，让我们锁定会议吧！
Thanks to Brigitte Gemme , Masoud Taki , Scotty Eckenthal , and Skyler Crossman for their thoughts and feedback on this post.
感谢Brigitte Gemme，Masoud Taki，Scotty Eckenthal和Skyler Crossman对这篇文章的想法和反馈。
See also:
参见：
Comments? Ideas? Want to discuss further?
评论？想法？想进一步讨论吗？
Say hi through X/Twitter, email, or schedule a time to meet!
通过X/Twitter，发送电子邮件或安排时间开会！
