Editor’s Note: Is anything ailing, torturing, or nagging at you? Are you beset by existential worries? Every Tuesday, James Parker tackles readers’ questions. Tell him about your lifelong or in-the-moment problems at [email protected].
编者注：是否有任何痛苦，折磨或na咬您的？您是否被生存的担忧困扰吗？每个星期二，詹姆斯·帕克（James Parker）都会解决读者的问题。在[电子邮件保护]上告诉他您的终身或瞬间问题。
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不想错过一列？注册以在您的收件箱中获取“亲爱的詹姆斯”。
Dear James,
亲爱的詹姆斯，
I’m a 20-year-old dealing with a string of terrible events. My estranged mother died in a car accident a few days ago. A close friend of mine has been hospitalized for mental-health reasons, and I haven’t heard from them. I recently had a falling-out with my family; the details are complicated, but, long story short, I was forced to move out of my family home and am now living at my partner’s.
我是一个20岁的年轻人，正在处理一系列可怕的活动。几天前，我疏远的母亲在一次车祸中死亡。我的一个密友出于心理健康原因住院，我还没有收到他们的来信。我最近和家人陷入了不满。细节很复杂，但是，长话短说，我被迫搬出我的家中，现在住在伴侣的家中。
What should I do? How should I even feel? How do you retain your compassion and drive when the worst keeps coming your way?
我应该怎么办？我什至应该感觉如何？当最坏的情况不断到达时，您如何保持同情心和开车？
Dear Reader,
亲爱的读者，
I read somewhere that Carl Jung, if you came to him with news of a wonderful event in your life, would shake his head and say words to the effect of: Well, that’s very unfortunate, but if we pull together we can probably make it through this. Conversely, if you’d had bad luck, or were experiencing a personal downturn, he would offer you his heartiest congratulations.
我在某个地方读到，卡尔·荣格（Carl Jung），如果您带着一生中的一场美妙事件来找他，那会摇摇头，说出话：嗯，这是非常不幸的，但是如果我们团结在一起，我们可能可以通过这一效果来完成。相反，如果您运气不好，或者经历了个人的低迷，他会向您提供他最令人心动的祝贺。
The point being, I suppose, that these up-against-it moments—like the one in which you find yourself—are the places where we grow and learn, about life and about ourselves. Not that this is any consolation to you right now: You’re just trying to keep it together under an onslaught of events and emotions. But as much as the current situation is filling your windshield, covering every inch of available surface, I’m pretty sure that, sooner than you think, you’ll have all of this in your rearview mirror. And how you look back on it, how you feel about it, will be determined by one thing: whether you kept an open heart.
我想的要点是，这些艰巨的时刻（就像您发现自己的时刻）一样，是我们成长和学习，生活和生活的地方。并不是说这对您来说是任何安慰：您只是在试图在事件和情感的猛烈攻击下将其放在一起。但是，尽管当前情况填满了您的挡风玻璃，覆盖了每一英寸的可用表面，但我敢肯定，比您想象的要早，您将在后视镜中拥有所有这些。以及您如何看待它，对它的感觉，将由一件事确定：您是否保持胸怀。
You identify clearly the risk of being overwhelmed—a sealing-up of the self that leads to loss of feeling for other people, loss of connection to your own sacred momentum. This is suffering in its demonic aspect; it grinds off your humanity. So there’s the challenge. Don’t be defeated. Don’t go into a defensive crouch. Stay upright and available to what’s going on, even if—especially if—what’s going on is pretty terrible.
您清楚地确定了被不知所措的风险 - 自我的密封，导致对他人失去感觉，失去与自己的神圣势头的联系。这在恶魔般的方面遭受了痛苦。它消除了您的人性。所以有挑战。不要被击败。不要陷入防御性蹲伏。保持直立并为正在发生的事情使用，即使（尤其是在发生的事情）非常糟糕。
I’ll say this to you as well: You are young and strong. Me, at the age of 57 and with all of my various habits—I’m susceptible. The faintest touch of calamity lays me out. But you can probably run for days on two hours of sleep and a graham cracker. You can survive this. One upside to everything being awful, to your whole world going acute, as it were, is that you know it can’t last. Acuteness, by its nature, has to turn into something else. So hang in there, try not to identify completely with the feelings that are blasting through you (they will pass), and keep your eye on the horizon. Relief is coming.
我也会对你说：你年轻而坚强。我，57岁那年，有了我所有的各种习惯，我很容易受到影响。最微弱的灾难使我失望了。但是，您可能可以在两个小时的睡眠和一个Graham饼干中跑步几天。您可以生存。一切都很糟糕，对整个世界来说，这是一个敏锐的事情，因为您知道它不会持久。从本质上讲，敏锐度必须变成其他东西。因此，请挂在那里，尽量不要完全认同您正在通过您爆炸的感觉（它们会通过），然后关注地平线。救济即将到来。
Sending you the power vibes,
向您发送功率共鸣，
James
詹姆斯
