Updated at 10:40 a.m. ET on June 30, 2025
于2025年6月30日上午10:40更新
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Unless you inhabit a hermit cave with no internet access, you’ll know that we live in the Age of Offense. With high levels of polarization and innumerable ways to broadcast one’s every thought to strangers far and wide, it is easier than ever to lob insults and to denigrate ideological foes. Not surprisingly, according to a 2024 Pew Research Center study, 47 percent of Americans believe that people saying things that are “very offensive” to others is a major problem in the country today, whereas only 11 percent say it is not a problem. (The remainder says it is a minor problem.)
除非您居住一个没有互联网访问的隐士洞穴，否则您会知道我们生活在进攻时代。凭借高水平的两极分化和无数的方式，将自己的每一个思想广播给陌生人都广泛，比以往任何时候都更容易侮辱和贬低意识形态的敌人。毫不奇怪，根据2024年皮尤研究中心的一项研究，有47％的美国人认为，对他人“非常令人反感”的话是当今该国的主要问题，而只有11％的人说这不是问题。（其余的人说这是一个小问题。）
You might conclude that the solution is for people to stop offending others—good luck with that!—but consider another statistic in the same poll: A larger percentage of Americans (62 percent) says another big problem is “people being too easily offended by things others say.” These are not at all mutually exclusive findings; they suggest that we are simultaneously too offensive and too thin-skinned.
您可能会得出结论，解决方案是让人们停止冒犯他人的问题 - 运气好！这些根本不是互斥的发现；他们建议我们同时令人反感，而且皮肤太瘦。
The second issue, however, is the one on which I wish to focus, because, for most people, being too easily offended is worse for one’s own quality of life than being obnoxiously rude. So instead of spending your efforts trying to stamp out what you find offensive, you should work on being less offended in the first place.
但是，第二个问题是我希望集中精力的问题，因为对于大多数人来说，对自己的生活质量而言，太容易被冒犯了，而不是令人讨厌。因此，您应该首先要努力消除您的进攻性，而要努力消除您的努力，而应首先努力降低冒犯。
Arthur C. Brooks: The bliss of a quieter ego
亚瑟·布鲁克斯（Arthur C. Brooks）：一个安静的自我的幸福
The foundational study on the psychology of taking offense—one still frequently cited today—was written in 1976 by the psychologist Wolfgang Zander. He argued that we get offended in three stages: First, we identify when we’re insulted or harshly contradicted; second, we assess how extreme the offense is; finally, we respond emotionally or in some behavioral way. Say, for example, a colleague at work says in a meeting, in front of your boss, that your latest proposal is stupid. You identify this as a contradiction of your ideas; you assess this as mildly annoying; you decide to register your unhappiness in an appropriate manner with your colleague after the meeting.
心理学家沃尔夫冈·赞德（Wolfgang Zander）于1976年撰写了关于进攻心理学的基础研究（今天仍然经常引用）。他认为我们在三个阶段被冒犯了：首先，我们确定何时受到侮辱或严厉矛盾；其次，我们评估犯罪的极端程度；最后，我们以情感或某种行为方式做出反应。例如，一个工作的同事在会议上说，在老板面前，您的最新提议很愚蠢。您将其确定为对您的想法的矛盾；您将其评估为有些烦人；会议结束后，您决定以适当的方式向同事注册自己的不满。
I chose this example because research has found that such a negative judgment from another person is precisely what we typically deem most offensive. Scholars in 2018 showed in a survey of 129 people that 73 percent of cases of offense-taking was for threats to dominance or competence. The other 27 percent of instances related to attacks on goodwill or appearance. This reminded me that someone on social media once called me a bald guy who writes bad columns. The first part reminded me of something I don’t love, but it didn’t offend me—hey, the truth is the truth—but the second part stung a little.
我之所以选择这个例子，是因为研究发现，另一个人的这种负面判断恰恰是我们通常认为最令人反感的。2018年的学者在一项对129人的调查中表明，犯罪案件中有73％是出于对统治或能力的威胁。其他27％的实例与善意或外观的攻击有关。这使我想起，社交媒体上的某人曾经称我为写不良专栏的秃头家伙。第一部分让我想起了我不喜欢的东西，但这并没有冒犯我 - 嗯，事实是事实 - 但第二部分有点nugh。
People react to offenses in different ways. That same study found that women, when offended, are more likely than men to experience sadness and bitterness, whereas men are more likely to experience pride (manifested as indignation) and anger. Another study found that when an offense is highly hurtful, the most common reaction is acquiescence, which might involve tearfulness or even apologizing. When an offense is less hurtful, the most common reaction is to laugh or ignore it.
人们以不同的方式对犯罪做出反应。同一项研究发现，在生气时，女性比男人更有可能经历悲伤和痛苦，而男人更有可能感到骄傲（表现为愤慨）和愤怒。另一项研究发现，当犯罪高度伤害时，最常见的反应是默许，这可能涉及泪水甚至道歉。当犯罪不那么伤害时，最常见的反应是笑或忽略它。
However we react, our response can be less under our conscious control than is perhaps implied by the example that I gave of Zander’s three-stage process. That’s because an offense triggers parts of our ancient brain, notably the limbic system, which indicates a threat. The workings of this strong primal structure raise the possibility of more drastic action: fighting, verbally or physically.
但是，我们做出反应，我们的反应在我们有意识的控制之下，而不是我对Zander的三阶段过程所暗示的可能所暗示的。那是因为进攻触发了我们古老的大脑的一部分，尤其是边缘系统，这表明威胁。这种强大的原始结构的运作提高了更加激烈的行动的可能性：在语言或身体上进行战斗。
Here, too, reactions differ by gender. Males are more likely than females to respond to an offense with aggression, including violence. Fortunately, this outcome is unusual for either sex because the brain’s executive center—the prefrontal cortex—inhibits the amygdala’s fight response. The way this works in practice is that when someone says something offensive, you initially feel furious (limbic system), but then you tell yourself Don’t freak out (prefrontal cortex), and you manage to act calmly.
在这里，反应也因性别而有所不同。男性比女性更有可能应对侵略的罪行，包括暴力。幸运的是，这种结果对于任何一种性爱都是不寻常的，因为大脑的执行中心（前额叶皮层）抑制了杏仁核的战斗反应。实践中的工作方式是，当某人说些冒犯性时，您最初会感到愤怒（边缘系统），但是您告诉自己不要吓坏了（前额叶皮层），并且您设法平静地采取行动。
As you may have noticed, some people exhibit more effective inhibition than others. Scholars have shown that the likelihood of a violent response to an offense is far higher among people with substance-use disorders—especially when that condition is paired with mental illness. By the same token, men convicted of violent crimes have been shown to have weaker-than-average connectivity between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex when they face a personal insult.
您可能已经注意到，有些人表现出比其他人更有效的抑制作用。学者们表明，在患有药物疾病的人中，对犯罪的暴力反应的可能性要高得多，尤其是当这种情况与精神疾病配对时。同样，当杏仁核和前额叶皮层面临个人侮辱时，被判犯有暴力犯罪的男人在杏仁核和前额叶皮层之间的连通性低于平均水平。
The point of describing the neurological and psychological mechanisms that underpin taking offense is that knowledge is power. If you know what’s happening to you when you feel offended, that’s the first step toward controlling how you respond.
描述基于进攻的神经和心理机制的目的是知识就是力量。如果您知道当您感到生气时发生了什么，那是控制您的响应方式的第一步。
Arthur C. Brooks: The beauty that moral courage creates
亚瑟·布鲁克斯（Arthur C. Brooks）：道德勇气创造的美丽
Naturally, life is happier if you’re not being offended. One strategy is to try avoiding anyone who might offend you and put up barriers against any exposure to them. If this involves curating your friendships to shun someone who’s liable to hurt your feelings repeatedly, that’s fine. But if taking measures against being offended means shutting down free speech on your college campus, that is less likely to go well for you or serve your purpose.
自然，如果您不生气，生活会更快乐。一种策略是尝试避免任何可能冒犯您的人，并为对他们带来任何接触的障碍。如果这涉及策划您的友谊，以避开一个有责任反复伤害您感情的人，那很好。但是，如果采取措施反对被冒犯，则意味着关闭大学校园上的言论自由，那么这对您来说不太可能或服务于您的目的。
Those techniques involve trying to control your environment, but the more you try to expand the scope of that control, the less effective and the more costly it will become for you and others. Better by far to control yourself—by learning to be less offended. The studies I mentioned above suggest several strategies to do just that and help you live more happily as a result.
这些技术涉及试图控制您的环境，但是您尝试扩大控制范围的范围越多，效果越少，对您和其他人的成本就越高。到目前为止，更好地控制自己 - 通过学会变得更少冒犯。我在上面提到的研究提出了几种策略来做到这一点，并因此帮助您更幸福地生活。
1. Laugh it off.
1。笑了。
Remember that when an offense is not grave, the most common reaction is to ignore it or laugh. This is a very good option because it makes you the judge of how severe the offense is, rather than cede that judgment to some outside arbitrator. You don’t have to laugh in a defiant, bitter way; on the contrary, you can usually effectively neutralize another’s jab with self-deprecating humor. (I’m bald? Tough but fair.) Doing so can actually raise your self-esteem. Scholars have also shown that, especially if you are a team leader, this kind of joke can actually increase others’ trust in you and boost their perception of your effectiveness. You can imagine how this could work in business or in sports, but you can use the same tactic to maintain your position in other situations.
请记住，当进攻不是严重时，最常见的反应是忽略它或笑。这是一个非常好的选择，因为它使您对犯罪的严重程度使您成为法官，而不是将这一判断力归结为一些外部仲裁员。您不必以一种挑衅，痛苦的方式笑。相反，您通常可以以自嘲的幽默有效地中和他的戳刺。（我秃顶？艰难但公平。）这样做可以真正提高您的自尊心。学者还表明，尤其是如果您是团队负责人，这种笑话实际上可以增加他人对您的信任，并提高他们对您有效性的看法。您可以想象这可以在商业或体育运动中起作用，但是您可以使用相同的策略在其他情况下保持自己的位置。
2. Use your prefrontal cortex.
2。使用前额叶皮层。
I teach my business-school students that the most important management job they have is self-management—to understand their emotions and act independently of them. Admittedly, this skill is harder for some people than others, but we can all improve with determination and practice. Many techniques for activating your brain’s executive center exist: prayer, journaling, meditation. If you’re facing an interaction with a troublesome person, I’d recommend reading this passage from the Stoic classic Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius:
我教我的商业学校学生，他们拥有的最重要的管理工作是自我管理 - 了解他们的情绪并独立于他们的行为。诚然，这项技能对某些人来说比其他人要难，但是我们都可以通过决心和实践来提高。存在许多激活大脑执行中心的技术：祈祷，日记，冥想。如果您面临与一个麻烦的人的互动，我建议您从马库斯·奥雷利乌斯（Marcus Aurelius）的斯多葛经典冥想中阅读这段话：
It is the privilege of human nature to love those that disoblige us. To practice this, you must consider that the offending party is of kin to you, that ignorance is the cause of the misbehavior, and the fault is involuntary, that you will both of you quickly be in your graves; but especially consider that you have received no harm by the injury, for your mind is never the worse for it.
爱那些不爱我们的人是人性的特权。要实践这一点，您必须考虑到违规政党对您来说是亲戚，无知是行为不端的原因，并且错误是非自愿的，你们俩都会迅速进入坟墓。但是，特别是考虑到您没有受伤受到伤害，因为您的想法永远不会更糟。
3. Tune out the offense-making machines.
3。调整犯罪机器。
You can’t eliminate all offense from your life, but you certainly don’t have to go looking for it. Yet that is effectively what you’re doing when you consume a lot of controversial, limbic-system-triggering media content. If you are spending an inordinate amount of time reading political opinions or watching cable-news talking heads, for example, you are probably outraged constantly—even more so if you are very online as well. One way to feel less aggrieved about what other people are saying or posting is simply to cut all that out of your life: Turn off the TV; delete the app.
您不能消除人生中的所有罪行，但是您当然不必去寻找它。然而，当您消耗大量有争议的边缘系统触发媒体内容时，这实际上就是您正在做的事情。例如，如果您花费大量时间阅读政治意见或观看有线新闻说话的头脑，那么您可能会不断地感到愤怒 - 如果您也非常在线，甚至更多。对别人所说的或发帖感到不满的一种方法只是将所有这些都从您的生活中删除：关闭电视；删除应用程序。
Arthur C. Brooks: A defense against gaslighting sociopaths
亚瑟·布鲁克斯（Arthur C. Brooks）：防御煤气证明
One more aspect of offense-taking is worth considering, especially in today’s contentious ideological environment. A novel recent experiment tested participants for whether they were more prosocial or more pro-self. The participants then played a series of games during which they could accumulate and gamble a monetary endowment. In total, 5 percent of participants received a financial shock of losing a significant portion of their endowment. Finally, the researchers offered a monetary reward to those whose endowments had been lost. Payment was on the honor system, though, so the researchers paid up when participants said they’d lost money, whether it was true or not. The high-pro-self participants were by far the most likely to lie, saying they’d lost money when they hadn’t, and take the reparation.
犯罪的另一个方面值得考虑，尤其是在当今有争议的意识形态环境中。最近的一项新型实验测试了参与者，他们是亲社会的还是更加亲社会的。然后，参与者玩了一系列游戏，在此期间他们可以积累并赌博货币捐赠。总共有5％的参与者因失去大部分捐赠的经济冲击而受到财务冲击。最后，研究人员向那些捐赠的人提供了货币奖励。不过，付款是在荣誉系统上，因此研究人员在参与者说他们亏本损失的情况下付出了代价，无论是真的。高级自我的参与者是迄今为止最有可能撒谎的人，他说他们在没有的情况下损失了钱，并接受了赔偿。
Surprising, right? Not really. Scholars have noted that people with a “proclivity to be offended” tend to be poor performers at work and prone to all kinds of counterproductive behavior. Such prickly people are very likely to be narcissists, because their offense-taking is driven by an overweening sense of entitlement and an unwillingness to overlook any sleight; they may even feign being offended—shocked, even—to gain advantage.
令人惊讶，对吗？并不真地。学者们指出，“被冒犯的倾向”的人往往是工作中表现不佳，并且容易发生各种适得其反的行为。这样的刺刺的人很可能是自恋者，因为他们的进攻是由过度的权利感和不愿忽视任何雪橇的驱动的驱动的。他们甚至可能被冒犯了 - 甚至抛弃，甚至会获得优势。
So, of course, you should be sensitive and empathetic if you see others being harmed around you. But especially when the hurt is nothing more than a speech act, also consider that being offended may not be reliable evidence of true offensiveness. It might instead be evidence that a person who claims to be offended is not acting in good faith.
因此，当然，如果您看到其他人在周围受到伤害，则应该是敏感和同情的。但是，尤其是当伤害不过是一项演讲法案时，也认为被冒犯可能不是真正进攻性的可靠证据。取而代之的是证据表明，一个声称被冒犯的人并不是真诚地行事。
