My father dislikes firework shows, for all the reasons that a man who passed his youth squeezing a trigger in the name of God and country dislikes firework shows. He loves fireworks, however, if he’s the one lighting them, a psychological loophole that he and I have availed ourselves of at a number of East Coast tourist-trap locales over the years. Our most recent adventure was an excursion to South Carolina when I was in my 20s: We loaded up a rented golf cart with an immoderate amount of fireworks and a moderate amount of Miller Lite and set off for the beach to enjoy both. The golf cart was road-legal, but whether the fireworks were beach-legal was a question I didn’t think to ask. I was living in New York City at the time, besotted with its buzzy restaurants and rooftop bars, and that trip, with its unpretentious excitement, is when I started to appreciate my dad’s quiet enthusiasm for simple fun. It was also when I began to suspect that I might one day run out of zeal for New York’s inexhaustible supply of novel experiences.
我父亲不喜欢烟花表演，出于所有原因，一个以上帝和国家的名义挤压触发因素的男人不喜欢烟花表演。但是，他喜欢烟花，但是，如果他是照明它们的人，那么多年来，他和我在许多东海岸旅游陷阱的地方都利用了自己的心理漏洞。我们最近的一次冒险是在我20多岁的时候前往南卡罗来纳州：我们装满了一辆租来的高尔夫球车，上面有烟花不少的烟花和适量的米勒·莱特（Miller Lite），然后前往海滩享受这两者。高尔夫球车是公路法律的，但是烟花是否是海滩法律，这是我认为不问的问题。当时我住在纽约市，伴随着嗡嗡的餐厅和屋顶酒吧，而这次旅行却以朴实的兴奋是我开始欣赏我父亲对简单乐趣的安静热情的时候。这也是我开始怀疑我可能有一天可能会为纽约无尽的新经历而热情洋溢。
That was about a decade ago, when I was unencumbered and not especially concerned with following local fireworks ordinances. Now, however, I am a father and a husband, have decamped to Maine, and am an ostensibly respectable member of the nation’s citizenry. So when I set out this week with the goal of re-creating the fireworks-on-the-beach experience I’d had with my father, I wanted to do it by the book.
那是大约十年前，当时我不受限制，并不特别关心遵循当地的烟火条例。但是，现在，我是父亲和丈夫，已经陷入了缅因州，并且表面上是该国公民的受人尊敬的成员。因此，当我本周出发的目标是重新创建与父亲一起度过的烟花经验时，我想通过这本书做。
I thought this would be straightforward. Fireworks, like sports gambling, weed, and other common vices, have been on a slow march toward legalization in recent decades. (Perhaps unsurprisingly, fireworks injuries in America have risen as legalization has spread. A report released in June estimated that the number of fireworks-related ER visits in 2024 was 40 percent higher than in 2014.) The only state that still bans all consumer fireworks outright is Massachusetts, which means that the one place where you can’t celebrate American freedom with a bang is where the fight for American freedom began with a bang. Maine, by contrast, has some of the most permissive fireworks laws in the country. I assumed that all I would need to do was drive to the gas station for beer, the fireworks store for supplies, and a local beach for kaboom. I had no idea I’d end up on a days-long odyssey with the un-Homeric goal of finding a stretch of oceanfront on which to legally deploy several hundred dollars’ worth of consumer-grade pyrotechnics.
我认为这很简单。在近几十年以来，烟花，例如体育赌博，杂草和其他常见的恶习，朝着合法化的行进缓慢。（也许毫不奇怪，随着合法化的扩散，美国的烟火受伤已经上升。据估计，一份报告估计，2024年与烟花相关的急诊室访问的数量比2014年高40％。）唯一一个仍然禁止所有消费者烟火的州，这意味着是马萨诸塞州，这意味着您无法庆祝美国的自由，这意味着美国的自由是一个自由的自由。相比之下，缅因州拥有该国一些最宽松的烟火法。我以为我所要做的就是开车去加油站喝啤酒，烟花店买东西以及当地的海滩海滩。我不知道我最终会遇到长达几天的奥德赛，其目的是找到一定的海滨，可以合法地部署价值数百美元的消费级烟火。
Read: Fireworks: A poem
阅读：烟花：一首诗
I was right about one thing: Procuring fireworks legally was easy. (Though it was not cheap—prices this year are considerably higher than I remember, the result of inflation and tariffs.) I walked into my local Phantom Fireworks store on Monday, showed my ID to an employee—who apparently forgot to give me the safety spiel that I later heard him rattle off for other customers—and walked up and down the aisles, surveying the merchandise. I was at once overwhelmed by the panorama of distinctly American excess and moved by the great variety of American life to which it attested.
我对一件事是对的：合法地进行烟花很容易。（尽管这并不便宜 - 今年的价格比我记得的要高得多。我立刻被美国鲜明过度的全景所淹没，并被它证明的美国生活种类繁多。
I discovered recreational explosives for every sort of person residing within this country’s borders, befitting every kind of enthusiasm and ideological commitment: castle-doctrine “STAND YOUR GROUND” fireworks for the Second Amendment fanatic ($349.99), Rosie the Riveter fireworks for the feminist ($120.00), Illuminati-triangle fireworks for the conspiracist ($49.99), “SINGULARITY” fireworks for the AI enthusiast ($135.00), lobster-festooned “Wicked Pissah” fireworks for the New Englander ($49.99), Battle of Yorktown fireworks for history buffs ($179.99), “Shagadellic Mojo” fireworks for the horny customer ($44.99), suggestively silhouetted “Mega Mojo!” fireworks for the very horny customer ($149.99), and, my personal favorite, Boyz II Men fireworks for those who love soulful harmonies ($199.99). Of the available ways that an adult can spend hundreds of dollars on 20-odd seconds of pleasure, the Boyz II Men “End of the Road”–themed Phantom Fireworks special is certainly among the more virtuous.
我发现了居住在这个国家边界内的各种人的休闲爆炸物，适合各种热情和意识形态的承诺：城堡 - doctrine“站在您的地面”烟火中，为第二修正案狂热者（349.99美元）（$ 349.99）（$ 349.99），Rosie the Riveter the Riveter for for女权主义者（$ 120.00.00），Illumianiani-firian forew，（49.99美元），《人工智能爱好者（135.00美元）的“奇异性”烟花，龙虾f的“邪恶的小儿莎”烟花为新英格兰人（49.99美元），约克镇烟花的历史增益（179.99美元），“ Shagadellic Mojo” Mejo Mejo Mejo sorngy Comenter（179.99美元）Mojo！”非常角质客户的烟花（149.99美元），以及我个人最喜欢的Boyz II男士烟花，为那些热爱灵魂和谐的人（199.99美元）。在成年人可以在20多秒的愉悦中花费数百美元的可用方式中，Boyz II男子“终结” - 主题的幻影烟花特别肯定是更美好的。
The store also offered an abundance of firework types: bombettes, mortars, ground-bound fountains that emit a volcanic torrent of sparks. I was nearly seduced by a Komodo-dragon-themed fountain, but I believe that a true firework should go up and go boom, and a man must stand on principle. After half a dozen laps through the aisles, I marched up to the cash register with five offerings, all in the aerial “cake” style that fires flaming balls from a series of concealed mortar tubes: one that seemed inspired by Jaws and one by Jurassic Park (my favorite Spielberg movies); one “Wicked Pissah” (which seemed obligatory); one “Bait a Hook” box, catering to fishermen (in keeping with my angling obsession); and a generic rah-rah-patriotism package with the overwrought name “’Neath the Red, White and Blue.”
这家商店还提供了丰富的烟花类型：炸弹，迫击炮，地面绑定的喷泉，它们散发出火山洪流。我几乎被一个以Komodo Dragon为主题的喷泉吸引了我，但我相信真正的烟花应该上升并进行繁荣，一个人必须原则上站立。经过过道上六圈后，我以五个产品的方式前往收银机，所有这些都以“蛋糕”风格，从一系列隐藏的迫击管管中发射了燃烧的球：一个似乎受到颌骨的启发和侏罗纪公园的启发（我最喜欢的斯皮尔伯格电影）；一个“邪恶的小儿”（似乎是必不可少的）；一个“诱饵钩子”盒子，适合渔民（以我的垂钓痴迷）；还有一个通用的Rah-Rah-Patriotism套餐，其名称为“ Neash Red，White and Blue”。
Later, seized with irrational panic that I lacked a real showstopper, I returned to the store and asked the first purple-shirted Phantom employee I saw for something under $200 that would make a real impression. He wordlessly shuffled to the farthest wall, pulled a package labeled “Geomagnetic Storm” ($129.99) from a high display, and gave the box a hearty slap on its side, as you might burp a baby. “They like this one,” he reported. I do not know who “they” are, but I trusted their taste implicitly. I left the store considerably poorer and with the unshakable conviction that although the American project may not yet endure, no one can say we don’t have fun.
后来，我不合理地恐慌地抓住了我缺乏真正的抢士，我回到了商店，问了我看到的第一家紫色衬衫的幻影员工，我看到的是200美元以下的东西，这会给人留下真正的印象。他无言以对最远的墙壁进行了无言以义的调整，从高显示器上拉了一个标有“地磁风暴”（$ 129.99）的包裹，并给盒子里的一巴掌带到了它的一边，因为您可能会打个婴儿。他说：“他们喜欢这个。”我不知道谁是“他们”，但我隐含着他们的品味。我离开了商店的贫穷，并坚信，尽管美国项目可能尚未忍受，但没人能说我们没有开心。
Read: The Fourth of July has always been political
阅读：七月四日一直是政治
Where to have that fun was another matter. The ease with which I legally purchased the fireworks lulled me into overoptimism about the ease with which I could legally deploy them. As I soon found out, although Maine takes a rather laissez-faire approach to fireworks at the state level, many of the state’s local municipalities enforce their own restrictions. Some areas designate specific dates and times when fireworks can be set off (most commonly, July Fourth and New Year’s Eve); others ban them year-round. On top of this, my desire to launch fireworks from a beach was a problem: Maine allows consumer fireworks to be used only on private property, and I do not, alas, have a house with its own beach.
在哪里获得乐趣是另一回事。我合法购买烟花的轻松性使我对我可以合法部署它们的容易度过了过度的权利。正如我很快发现的那样，尽管缅因州采取了同样的自由放任方法来在州一级进行烟火，但该州的许多当地市政当局都执行了自己的限制。某些领域指定了可以爆发烟花的特定日期和时间（最常见的是7月第四和新年前夕）；其他人全年禁止他们。最重要的是，我希望从海滩发射烟火是一个问题：缅因州允许只能在私人财产上使用消费者烟花，而我却没有一个带有自己海滩的房子。
I was curious if I might be able to finagle a maritime workaround. I contacted some local fire departments to ask about the permissibility, and wisdom, of deploying small fireworks from a boat. (I do not have a boat, but I do have a friend with a boat and poor judgment.) At first, no one I spoke with was able to definitively say whether this option was safe or legal, but one recommended that I call a Coast Guard information line. My Coast Guard query yielded no answers, but it did lead to the suggestion that I contact Maine’s fire-marshal office, where at last a diligent and helpful public servant told me that launching fireworks from a personal watercraft is absolutely illegal. But they also added—perhaps wink-winkingly, definitely humorously—that the fire marshal “issued zero citations for this in 2024.”
我很好奇我是否能够解决海上解决方法。我联系了一些当地消防部门，询问从船上部署小烟花的允许性和智慧。（我没有船，但是我确实有一个有船和判断力差的朋友。）起初，我与我交谈的人都无法确定地说出这种选择是安全还是合法的，但建议我称我为海岸警卫队的信息线。我的海岸警卫队的查询没有任何答案，但这确实导致了我联系缅因州的消防委员会办公室，最后一位勤奋而乐于助人的公务员告诉我，从私人船只发射烟火绝对是非法的。但是他们还补充说 - 也许是眨眼的，绝对幽默的 - 火元帅“在2024年为此发出了零引文。”
My many phone calls, one in-person visit to the fire department, and hours of scrutinizing local fireworks laws led me to realize that my modest goal of legally setting off fireworks on a beach in observation of this country’s birthday was far too ambitious. I was forced to not let the perfect be the enemy of the good, and to compromise. The specifics of that compromise I leave up to the reader’s imagination, but the upshot is that $300.60 of civilian-market explosives eventually met their logical end in an extravagant and all-too-brief flurry of detonations. To my slight disappointment, the fireworks I had bought, including the fabled Geomagnetic Storm, were largely indistinguishable from one another. Regardless of price or theme, they did about the same thing after I lit them: shot up into the sky with a hiss, exploded in a cacophony, and issued a last burst of light and color. But they still had their evergreen capacity to elicit an involuntary squeal of delight from a grown man. In the end, fun was had, 10 fingers were retained, the holiday was celebrated, and the resulting video was texted to my father, who immediately asked the only question that matters: “What else do you have? Any mortars?” God bless America.
我的许多电话，一次面对面的访问消防部门以及审查当地烟火法的数小时，使我意识到，我合法地在海滩上烟花烟花以观察到这个国家的生日的适度目标太雄心勃勃了。我被迫不要让完美成为善良的敌人，也不是妥协。我留下的折衷方案的具体细节是读者的想象力，但结果是，$ 300.60的平民市场炸药最终在散发着爆发的奢侈而爆发的爆发中达到了逻辑上的结局。令我有些失望的是，我购买的烟花（包括传说中的地磁风暴）在很大程度上是无法区分的。不管价格或主题是什么，我在我点燃它们之后就做了同一件事：用嘶嘶声向天空射击，爆炸，刺耳爆炸，并发出了最后的光线和色彩。但是他们仍然具有常绿的能力，可以引起一个成年男子的非自愿尖叫。最后，娱乐了，保留了10个手指，庆祝了假期，由此产生的视频发给了我父亲，父亲立即问了唯一重要的问题：“您还有什么？上帝保佑美国。
