China has millions of single men - could dating camp help them find love?
中国有数百万个单身男人 - 约会营可以帮助他们找到爱吗？
20 June 2025 Share Save Helen Bushby Culture reporter at Sheffield Documentary Festival Share Save
2025年6月20日，Shefield纪录片节分享Save Save Saver Saver Save Save Save Save Helen Bushby文化记者
Fish+Bear Pictures Li (left) is posed for a photograph by Hao, during his week-long course in how to attract women
霍（Hao）在他为如何吸引女性的一周课程中为霍（Hao）摆姿势的Fish+Bear Pictures li（左）为照片摆姿势
To say China's women are outnumbered would be an understatement. With a staggering 30 million more men than women, one of the world's most populous countries has a deluge of unattached males. The odds are heavily stacked against them finding a date, let alone a wife - something many feel pressured to do. To make matters worse, it's even harder if you're from a lower social class, according to Chinese dating coach Hao, who has over 3,000 clients."Most of them are working class - they're the least likely to find wives," he says. We see this first-hand in Violet Du Feng's documentary, The Dating Game, where we watch Hao and three of his clients throughout his week-long dating camp. All of them, including Hao, have come from poor, rural backgrounds, and were part of the generation growing up after the 90s in China, when many parents left their toddlers with other family members, to go and work in the cities. That generation are now adults, and are going to the cities themselves to try to find a wife and boost their status. Du Feng, who is based in the US, wants her film to highlight what life is like for younger generations in her home country."In a time when gender divide is so extreme, particularly in China, it's about how we can bridge a gap and create dialogue," she tells the BBC.
说中国的妇女人数超过了，这是轻描淡写的。世界上人口最多的国家之一的男人比女性多3000万，有一群无名的男性。赔率很大，他们发现约会，更不用说妻子了 - 许多人感到压力很大。更糟糕的是，据中国约会教练豪（Hao）称，拥有3,000多个客户的中国约会教练豪（Hao）说，如果您来自较低的社会阶层，这将变得更加困难。他说：“他们中的大多数是工人阶级 - 他们最不可能找到妻子。”我们在Violet du Feng的纪录片《约会游戏》中亲眼目睹了这一手，在他的整个星期约会营地中，我们在那里观看了Hao和他的三个客户。所有人，包括霍在内的所有人都来自贫穷的农村背景，并且是90年代在中国长大后成长的一代，当时许多父母将幼儿与其他家庭成员一起去城市工作。这一代人现在是成年人，并将去城市自己试图找到妻子并提高他们的地位。总部位于美国的杜冯（Du Feng）希望她的电影突出她祖国年轻一代的生活。她对英国广播公司说：“在性别鸿沟如此极端的时候，尤其是在中国，这是关于我们如何弥合差距并建立对话。”
Fish+Bear Pictures [L-R] The Dating Game sees Hao take Wu, Li and Zhou shop for clothes, which he chooses for them
鱼+熊图片[l-r]约会游戏看到hao tak wu，li and Zhou Shop买衣服，他为他们选择
Hao's three clients - Li, 24, Wu, 27 and Zhou, 36 - are battling the aftermath of China's one-child policy. Set up by the government in 1980 when the population approached one billion, the policy was introduced amid fears that having too many people would affect the country's economic growth. But a traditional preference for male children led to large numbers of girls being abandoned, placed in orphanages, sex-selective abortions or even cases of female infanticide. The result is today's huge gender imbalance. China is now so concerned about its plummeting birth rate and ageing population that it ended the policy in 2016, and holds regular matchmaking events. Wu, Li and Zhou want Hao to help them find a girlfriend at the very least. He is someone they can aspire to be, having already succeeded in finding a wife, Wen, who is also a dating coach. The men let Hao give them makeovers and haircuts, while he tells them his questionable"techniques" for attracting women - both online and in person. But while everyone tries their best, not everything goes to plan.
Hao的三个客户-Li，24，Wu，27岁和36岁的周正在与中国的单子女政策的后果作斗争。政府于1980年成立，当时人口接近10亿，这项政策是因为担心有太多人会影响该国的经济增长。但是，对男孩的传统偏爱导致大量女孩被遗弃，放置在孤儿院，性堕胎甚至女性杀婴案件中。结果是今天的性别失衡。现在，中国非常关注其出生率下降和人口老龄化，以至于该政策在2016年结束，并举行了定期的对决活动。Wu，Li和Zhou希望Hao至少帮助他们找到女友。他是他们可以渴望成为的人，已经成功找到了一个妻子Wen，他也是约会教练。这些男人让浩给他们改头换面和发型，而他告诉他们他在网上和亲自吸引女性的可疑“技巧”。但是，尽管每个人都尽力而为，但并非一切都在计划。
Fish+Bear Pictures Hao's dating techniques include"push and pull", where men give a compliment, say something insulting, and then make a joke of it
鱼+熊图片hao的约会技术包括“推和拉”，男人给予称赞，说些侮辱，然后开个玩笑
Hao constructs an online image for each man, but he stretches a few boundaries in how he describes them, and Zhou thinks it feels"fake"."I feel guilty deceiving others," he says, clearly uncomfortable with being portrayed as someone he can't match in reality. Du Feng thinks this is a wider problem."It's a unique China story, but also it's a universal story of how in this digital landscape, we're all struggling and wrestling with the price of being fake in the digital world, and then the cost that we have to pay to be authentic and honest," she says. Hao may be one of China's"most popular dating coaches", but we see his wife question some of his methods. Undeterred, he sends his proteges out to meet women, spraying their armpits with deodorant, declaring:"It's showtime!" The men have to approach potential dates in a busy night-time shopping centre in Chongqing, one of the world's biggest cities. It's almost painful to watch as they ask women to link up via the messaging app WeChat. But it does teach them to dig into their inner confidence, which, up until now, has been hidden from view.
Hao为每个男人构建了一个在线形象，但他在描述他们的描述方面延伸了一些界限，Zhou认为这感觉“假”。他说：“我对欺骗别人感到内gui。杜冯认为这是一个更广泛的问题。她说：“这是一个独特的中国故事，但这也是一个普遍的故事，讲述了在这种数字景观中，我们都以在数字世界中被假的价格挣扎和努力，然后我们必须付出的成本才能成为真实和诚实。”豪可能是中国“最受欢迎的约会教练”之一，但我们看到他的妻子质疑他的一些方法。他毫不犹豫地派遣自己的蛋白会见妇女，用除臭剂喷洒腋窝，宣称：“这是放映的！”这些人必须在全球最大的城市之一的重庆繁忙的夜间购物中心中接近潜在的日期。当他们要求女性通过消息传递应用微信链接时，看着她们几乎是痛苦的。但是它确实教会他们深入了解他们内在的信心，直到现在，这一直被隐藏了。
Getty Images The men try to meet women in China's busy Chongqing
男人试图在中国忙碌的重庆中结识女性
Dr Zheng Mu, from the National University of Singapore's sociology department, tells the BBC how pressure to marry can impact single men."In China, marriage or the ability, financially and socially, to get married as the primary breadwinner, is still largely expected from men," she says."As a result, the difficulty of being considered marriageable can be a social stigma, indicating they're not capable and deserving of the role, which leads to great pressures and mental strains." Zhou is despondent about how much dates cost him, including paying for matchmakers, dinner and new clothes."I only make $600 (£440) a month," he says, noting a date costs about $300."In the end our fate is determined by society," he adds, deciding that he needs to"build up my status". Du Feng explains:"This is a generation in which a lot of these surplus men are defined as failures because of their economic status."They're seen as the bottom of society, the working class, and so somehow getting married is another indicator that they can succeed." We learn that one way for men in China to"break social class" is to join the army, and see a big recruitment drive taking place in the film.
新加坡国立大学社会学系的Zheng Mu博士告诉英国广播公司结婚的压力如何影响单身男人。她说：“在中国，婚姻或在财务和社会上的能力，成为主要养家糊口的人结婚，这仍然是男性的主要期望。”“因此，被视为可结婚的困难可能是一种社会污名，这表明他们没有能力和应有的角色，这会导致巨大的压力和精神压力。”周对他的约会花费，包括为媒人，晚餐和新衣服付费。他说：“我每月只赚600美元（440英镑）。”他补充说：“最后，我们的命运是由社会决定的，”他决定需要“建立我的地位”。Du Feng解释说：“这是许多这些盈余男人由于经济地位而被定义为失败的一代。”他们被视为社会底部，工人阶级的底部，因此某种程度上将结婚是他们可以成功的另一个指标。“我们了解中国男人在中国的“闯入社会阶级”的一种方式，即“闯入社会阶级”，并看到了这部大型招募活动，并在电影中进行了大型招募活动。
Fish+Bear Pictures Hao photographs the men with beautiful dogs, saying the pictures will appeal to women
鱼+熊图片hao用美丽的狗拍摄男人，说这些照片会吸引女人
The film notably does not explore what life is like for gay men in China. Du Feng agrees that Chines society is less accepting of gay men, while Dr Mu adds:"In China, heteronormativity largely rules."Therefore, men are expected to marry women to fulfill the norms... to support the nuclear family and develop it into bigger families by becoming parents." Technology also features in the documentary, which explores the increasing popularity of virtual boyfriends, saying that over 10 million women in China play online dating games. We even get to see a virtual boyfriend in action - he's understanding, undemanding and undeniably handsome. One woman says real-life dating costs"time, money, emotional energy - it's so exhausting". She adds that"virtual men are different - they have great temperaments, they're just perfect". Dr Mu sees this trend as"indicative of social problems" in China, citing"long work hours, greedy work culture and competitive environment, along with entrenched gender role expectations"."Virtual boyfriends, who can behave better aligned with women's expected ideals, may be a way for them to fulfil their romantic imaginations." Du Feng adds:"The thing universally that's been mentioned is that the women with virtual boyfriends felt men in China are not emotionally stable." Her film digs into the men's backgrounds, including their often fractured relationships with their parents and families."These men are coming from this, and there's so much negative pressure on them - how could you expect them to be stable emotionally?"
这部电影尤其没有探索中国同性恋者的生活。Du Feng同意，Chines Society不太接受男同性恋者，而Mu博士则补充说：“在中国，异性态度，在很大程度上是规则的规则。”因此，男人有望嫁给女性以符合核心家庭……以支持核心家庭，并通过成为父母来发展核心家庭。在行动中，他的理解是不可否认的可以更好地与女性预期理想保持一致的男朋友可能是她们实现浪漫的想象的一种方式。”他们在情感上保持稳定？”
Getty Images Violet Du Feng made The Dating Game to"challenge my own bias", after her Emmy-nominated documentary, Hidden Letters, in 2022, focused on women
盖蒂图像紫罗兰杜·冯（Violet du Feng）在艾美奖提名的纪录片《隐藏的信》（2022年）重点关注女性之后，使约会游戏“挑战我自己的偏见”
